Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
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