There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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