there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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