omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
