I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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