Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
