Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
