I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
