he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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