we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
