"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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