According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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