I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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