using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
