M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
