When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
