How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
