The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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