I think i peed on brittanys purse
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
