First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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