It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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