Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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