You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
