I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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