I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize