I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This is the high leading the old right now
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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