my being single is dangerous.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
