yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
