The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm at about main and main street
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
