Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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