I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i now understand why vodka
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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