you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize