'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
