I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
