My room smells like vodka and shame
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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