Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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