she woke up with a sticky ear
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
