I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
