I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
