He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
