I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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