If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
