If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
