i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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