My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize