i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I smell like Dick and happiness
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