I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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