Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
