wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize