The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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