I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
