dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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