I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
