so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
