So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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