Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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