Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
