I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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