When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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