there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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