i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
