found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
