so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
