if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think a kid would responsible me up
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
