It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
