You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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