1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
