I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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