There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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