Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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