The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
