we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
