I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I need to align my fucking chakras
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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